Restless...

Ive been feeling restless these days... i dont know why... i can hardly sleep at night, but when i eventually sleep, it will be around 2 am which is so not my bedtime. I dont wanna take any pills coz it will ruin my kidney (or so ive heard). Ive been counting down the days till Christmas comes knocking on my doorstep. Im not in the mood for celebration, im just trying to get my life's pieces back together in place. Im waiting for a reply that i myself know wont be positive. Ive gotta get my life back on track. And im serious. If its negative, damn... i might be spending the whole of next year in silence, getting extra subjects so that i can finish the whole damn engineering course faster, start working and earning money. I wont toil around and play often once ive made up my mind. I will live up to my geeky expectations. I wont wanna have any relationships anymore, coz i will not have the time for it or im just afraid i might hurt myself. I dont want history to repeat itself... Ahh... i can hear the future chorusing in my head. My mum seems to be a bit suspicious lately. I guess she sorta knows im in love or having some love problems coz she kept talking about GUYS and what my future husband should be like --- the one that she wants me to marry la. But sad to say, none of those are well... acceptable. She doesnt allow me to marry someone her dialect ( if you know what dialect she is)... and the moment i heard that, i was so crestfallen. Dang!!! Oh wells, she told me why... and i couldnt agree more with her... but then... the world changes, and people change too... so i hope those people will change in the future too. But why talk about marriage now? Gah, my mum is so unpredictable!!! LOlz... the next thing is, she will be talking about making babies and such... eww... im still not ready for this la... bleh...

Ive been told i look desperate for a boyfriend. And after talking to a few friends and my brother to enlighten my views about it, i seriously think that reality is banging on my head right now. I know i may look like a desperate bitch trying to hook about any guys especially when i wrote all those personal posts in my blog... so i decided... i will change... coz you people forced me to. I wont blog about all these personal issues on my main blog anymore. If you want to know them, access my private blog to know. People tell me im perfect and its impossible for me not to have a bf, but guess what??? Im single, and whats to be ashamed of it? I admit my instability has caused me to be single, not because of other factors. So im gonna reflect upon myself and change for the better. But... i wont be interested in this love problems anymore. Goodbye.

Now im trying to finish my Study Info assignment, then head off to do my Moral's assignment. Gonna have a Malaysian Studies test on the 4th of January. Sonofabitch!!!

(This is my newest photo ive taken of myself... havent been camwhoring much lately.)

I wish someone could put the smile back into my life... get me off these restless nights... i deserve a rest from my problems too, ok? Sighs. I need sleep!!!

In Berberboo's mind: Im never gonna be happy if i go on living in lies...