Untitled 2012

It's good to feel single again. To have no commitment in relationships, to be not tied down to anything. To be able to be myself for just a while. What is the point of being with someone when you cannot be yourself? That's just pretense. How long can the deception last? Ahhh... the irony.

Tomorrow would be my first ever job interview. Nerve-wrecking but all the best to me!!!

20 Things I Did Before I Turn 21

Everyone grows each and every day. And before you knew it, we grew from a crawling baby to a stumbling toddler, a child running to his mum's embrace, walking, making friends with fellow schoolmates, and finally finishing our education and entering adulthood. Ah the bliss of having to live under one roof with our parents for years! And in a few more years to come, we would be moving out and start the whole family cycle again with someone else. In every person, growing up is full of memories, whether being painstakingly bitter, cherry-sweet goodness or just something nobody wants to remember, they are still memories one should cherish to be a better person in the future. So to countdown to the big 21, I decided to reminiscence back to the 20 things I did with my life so far before I hit the big number. All pictures are made into collage to save space! HAHA.

1. Puppy! OMG I couldn't stopped grinning while I typed this post. Its been a long time since I wanted a puppy. Last year, I almost gotten the Maltese from Amazing Pets and called it Munkey Superstar. However, it wasn't 'destined' to be mine, so a lady practically took it away from me while I was playing with it in the store :( How sad I was back then. That time, mum didn't allow me to rear one. I remembered asking Avery for permission whether I could keep it in his car temporarily until I managed to persuade my mum into keeping it. Haha funny idea but hey, I was totally in love with it ok? A year after that, a bundle of fur came and brighten up the entire family during the Christmas season. Hunter came into our lives, and most importantly, my life. He was the light bringer. LOL what a description. Anyways, he filled up an empty and solemn place in my heart. And I love him to bits! See how big and fat he is? :)


2. Health. Its been a tough 2010 when the entire family was down with sicknesses, illnesses, and bad luck. But we pulled through and hello 2011. We pray that the new year will be so much better. For the 2nd time in my life, I had a CAT scan. Went through an MRI scan but it was less scarier compared to CAT. Visiting the hospital so frequently till it became the most traveled location for our family in 2010. Had a phobia of injections but once you get it so often, its painless. I think my family spent at least 50k on checkups and medications for the entire year. Gosh that shucks! But anyways, whole family is in the pink now, and the storm has gently passed. Praise the Lord.

3. Engineering. Engineering is something I hardly dreamed to pursue. I always wanted to be a dentist, pulling out teeth using pliers! HAHAHAHA... But leaving no choice as I was banned from applying JPA scholarship, I had to settle with Engineering in Swinburne. And for once in my life, I'm glad I did the course. Especially in Swinburne. It brought great things to me, let me meet new people, and see life in a whole new perspective. Though there are tonnes of things which makes me dissatisfied with Swinburne, for example the parking spaces, the lousy management system and so on so forth, learning there has been a great experience. And speaking of the management! GRRRRR... lets not go into there shall we?


4. Shopping. Shopping is an addiction. And a very expensive hobby. Before I set foot into university, I couldn't care less what I was wearing, how disgusting I looked like, or how fat I was. But with the evolving stream of electronics and cyber system, shopping has made its way online a couple years ago. And when I was first introduced to it, I was so happy! Though I'd honestly say it got me vainer, more self conscious and yada yada, it definitely helps in boosting my self confidence. Besides that, shopping has been an outlet where I would go when I'm stressed out. Its a retail therapy that every other girls do when they're worn out, right? RIGHT??? Last year was the worst OMFG! My whole year of spending could actually dress a 24 door longhouse with 120 occupants for a week! ZzZz... THIS has got to stop when I hit the big 21. And the pics below is like only 1/5 of what I bought? GEE... :(


5. Australia. The first foreign country I set foot in was the Land Down Under. It was in 2004? Stayed there for months! Went around Brisbane and Sydney, seeing how the ang mohs live their lives. Totally an eye opener and an experience. Living in another country was a truly great experience. Not only the food differs, the culture and the lifestyle was a total hoo haa for me back then. It is nothing like what they portray in TVs. You have to be there to believe it. I gladly remembered the Nike I had, which I stepped on kangaroo's poop when being chased by a wild drake, and transported the poop all the way back to Kuching, and few days later got stolen by thieves. Damn my beloved shoes. What a great experience. :) I'd love to go back to Hyde Park, take a stroll under the falling leaves of autumn. Truly a great scene, right out from the movies! Ahhh... how I wish I could stay overseas again.... *Dreamy eyes*

6. Driving a Car. I know I know driving a car isn't a big deal, but hey... I have always been the youngest in class because I skipped a grade back in the days. So having to not being able to drive a car when all your peers do is something you long for. And when I finally gotten the chance to drive a car, I met with 3 self accidents in the first 6 months of obtaining my license. HAHA funny right? =.= Luckily nobody was hurt, nor the damage was bad. Self accident ma... I think I did knock a few other cars, but just minor scratches on my car, but bad for the others. ESPECIALLY PROTON WIRA! The body of the car is like Milo Tin, so fragile and easily dented. ZzZzzzzz...

7. Baking. I may not be an awesome cook, I am an awesome baker! :D Baking is another outlet for me to release my stress, besides being a hobby when I am utterly bored to the bones! Only 10% of my baking goes inedible, whereas the other 90% are totally mouth watering and sumptuous! I can bake from cheesecakes to tarts, biscuits to crisps, muffins to cupcakes... though i haven't tried bread making. But I'm definitely gonna pursue baking to a higher level in the future, maybe baking for sell? :) Who knows what lies ahead.



8. Fallen in and out of love. Yes, yours truly here has been in love for the very first time of her life. I can honestly say that my first ever true relationship where I had mutual feelings and love for was with Avery. He made me see the world in different colors. He brought music into my tone deaf world. He has something that nobody ever had before. And it was love. But all good things must come to an end. And yes, it was the best one year of my life. And I thank you for that, Avery. I'm not sorry that it is over, but for the way we let things end. Our love wasn't strong enough to pull us through the mishaps. And you definitely deserved someone way better than me. I'd just wish I never made you cry. I'm sorry for that. Its good to know that you are better off with somebody else right now. But I'll still honestly say, I'll always love you. I missed you.



9. Friends. Throughout all these years, I made lots of new friends and lost some. However, those that remains after all these while are those whose memories I'll always cherish. Hoping the friendship will last in years to come.



10. Prom. I've always had this fear of going to prom. Fear of looking horrible in my gown, fear of falling down and exposing the nude, fear of wardrobe malfunctions etc. People have a general perception that prom is supposed to be for those with partners, and I daresay it isn't. Its a night to have lots of fun. Avery once promised me he would take me to the prom, but instead he took Keryn. Its all good nonetheless. Went with a bunch of friends and managed to enjoy an hour of prom before having to go back feeling sick and collapsing before I knew it. Thank God nobody knew about it except close friends. Had to skip school for the next two weeks. Whoa that's one prom memory to be cherished. So far, I have been to 3 proms, 1 back in Form 5, another in First Year and the last in my 3rd year. I'm not entirely sure I'm going in my Final Year, but I'll try to go. Wanna look my best and enjoy before I'm leaving for the working life.


11. Fear. In my entire life, I never learned to swim due to the fear of drowning. Every time I set foot in the cold freezing waters of the swimming pool, I'll immediately froze up, numbness washing all that's inside of me. However, last year, I took up the challenge. It was after realizing that there is nothing else to lose anymore, what with the mishaps in the family, love, life. It came to a point that if drowning could lead to death, I won't have to suffer anymore. But having said that, I took the challenge and learned swimming from Jaron. And a month later, I could swim. Though I still had the phobia of treading into deep waters, I'll always stick to the 1.5m depth :)

12. Business. I know it's no common thing going on with normal teenagers out there, but I'm proud to say that at the age of 18, I started my own online business selling clothes. It grew slowly, merely from selling ready stock clothes, to practically anything right now. Bags, shoes, clothes, jewelries, etc... I'm hoping to register my business legally when I turn 21 this year, and by the time I'm out from university, I'm hoping I can open my own boutique as a side income mainly sprung out from mere interest and passion in fashion. Its never too late to realize your dreams!

13. Exotic foods. Duh, my life is all about eating... I've tried lots of unusual exotic foods that friends go ewww... or give me that disgusted sort of look. My motto when eating is, anything that is edible can be eaten, anything cooked la. Throughout my life, I've even tried to fry cowgrass and eat but eww, its so tough I could barely chew. Yucks yucks. I've eaten creepy crawlies, snakes, snails, wildlife meat, and anything imaginable. Try asking what I've eaten, you'd be surprised! :)

14. LEE CHONG WEI! I seriously don't know where I kept the photos, but I've met Lee Chong Wei and Wong Mew Choo in Kuching years back and I took photos with them! Even Datuk Misbun Sidek too. Speaking of famous people, badminton players are soooooo my idols! *hearts*

15. Injuries. I've broken my arm, broken my ankles, sprained my knee, pulled a hamstring, slit my wrist and lots of other injuries to a point I don't feel pain as much as before. Call me bionic woman yea!

16. Investment. Never say its too young to start, I already did. Making investments in life is important as it can ensure you a backup on rainy days. I've made the biggest investment in my entire life a week before I turn 21. Have you?

17. Stupidity. HAHA I know everyone has gone through this phase of life. There was a time when I was so inquisitive, I chewed on tissue paper to get a taste of it, pulled my hair out to count how many strains of hair I have on my head, bought 463 plush toys which now I'm wondering where the heck I'm gonna put them once I move out etc. I even tried my puppy's dog food and boy do they taste good! I even blew my entire month's worth of paycheck splurging on shoes and clothes and toys... stupid me?

18. The haunting. This is one memory which I would never ever ever want to rekindle. When I was having my National Service training back in the days, our whole cohort stayed in a haunted dormitory. Every night, we get disturbances from headless spirits and other sorts of supernatural nasties. I was soooo afraid that time I begged my parents to pull me out from the camp. And they did eventually when my roommate sleeping on my left was being possessed by one. OMG you can't imagine the trauma =.=

19. Stayed away from my parents. Yes I was homesick that time. Being away from my family for a whole freaking month due to National Service was a torment. Ever since I was young, I never stayed away from them. In a way, they didn't want me far from them if they can. But NS was an exception. It was compulsory. Partly a reason why I never made it overseas because of this attachment. I really do envy all those who came from afar to study in a foreign land, how I admire their steadfast courage and bravery to live all by themselves unprotected by their stronghold. Oh the jealousy!

20. My first kiss. Yeap. A memory not to be diminished. It was in the elevator of Swinburne carpark. Aww... No more details shucks!

And there you have it the 20 things I've done and accomplished before I turned 21. Turning 21 is just another step in life. What's change? Nothing much. BTW, THANKS DAD for the first ever original COACH bag :) *hugs*

I'm gonna splurge on something big soon. Wait for it yea!

xoxo
Amber

Annihilation Day 33: Armageddon

Just had my mid-term test for Transport and boy it was hell. Spent too much time on the CIRCLY software and the answer still stay the same. Neglected the questions at the back. Darn. There goes my HD for the subject. Now, Cost Assignment 2 is my main priority. Couldn't let myself get bad results even I am taking 3 subjects a semester.

It's these sort of times where I missed you the most. Everytime I heard my name being spoken of, I get this sensation that "Hey, he still loves me after all". But I know all those are just merely dreams. Dreams that are never reality. Never going to come true. I doubt he ever loved me then or now. Took me a huge hit on the face to realize that very fact.

But it all comes down to this. I am stronger than yesterday and the day before. Stronger than my past. And nothing's gonna bring me down. Although I have yet to move on, but I know in my heart, there's only one person. As the days pass, he will be etched away slowly. 3 years the limit. Prayers answered.

Day 108: Closed

A chapter has closed. An epic adventure begins.

It begins with annihilation.

Day 101: Heartfelt Condolences

Heartfelt condolences for the passing dear. Hope you are strong and can deal with it well. God bless you and family always.

It's been a while since there is anything to laugh about. But hearing people discussing you behind your back is something i do not condone. And to whom that I'm referring to, you know who you are. I won't let you off the hook. You'll get it someday :)

Bro just graduated having received his exam results yesterday. Congratulations to him. First graduate from the maternal side. Happy are we :)

On a darker note, trouble is a friend oh trouble is a friend I know.... OH!

Day 99: Dread

And there you have it. A family torn apart. Being together only meant coming together as a family, but nothing more. Conversations seized to exist, love and care reduced to mere specks of dust. What happen to them? What went wrong? Silence echoed across the glass surface. Something I could never decipher. I'm torn. Torn between who should i support, who should i choose to support me. It's hard when you have a tough year behind you, and more ahead of you. Moving on seems to be the most appropriate thing i should do now, but i kept lingering on and wishing i had that stronghold i once have in him. But then I'll try to be strong. I need to stand on my two feet. I used to wobble, sprain my ankles when standing on my own two feet. But now it seems i will be capable of it. I need to. Throw away all the memories and let them fly with the wind. Life is never fair. Wishing tomorrow would be a brighter day. A brighter and happy one. Because today, is the first time i shed tears... crying myself to sleep again.

Day 47: Mistakes

Life is full of mistakes... For the first time in my life, i get to experienced a hell lot of mistakes and a hell lot of lessons to be learnt. This mistakes help make me into a better person in the future, help shape and nurture me to be stronger. Thus, what i have learned in this semester is:

1. A nice guy isn't necessary a good guy. For example, Mr. A is a very nice guy. But he isn't a good guy. Looks can be deceiving. He treats me nice. But he is never serious. And he never meant anything he said. Empty promises and lies. But he is nice. But nice doesn't equal good.

2. Childish actions leads to disaster. Being stupid and childish and assuming things will go my way, troubles brew. And sad to say, the people having to deal with them are equally childish as well. That's why everything became that way. Kudos to Mr. S for being the only mature person of the bunch. Also... when you put two childish people together, its time for the puppies to fall in love.

3. Threatening leads to nowhere. I just learned that threatening somebody leads to nowhere. Threatening to commit suicide, die and all that only causes the threatenee to dislike you even more. And whats worst, with all the pain and angst you suffer through, he will just laugh at you without any concern.

4. It is easy to forgive but not to forget. From the many experiences i've had over the years, it is easy to forgive other people but not to forget. All this while, i managed to forgive all the mean people for all their hoo-hahs. I even forgave a long hate-relationship i sustained since form 4. I forgave those jerkins who treated me like shit. Too bad they cannot be reformatted so they won't forgive me. May God be with them. However, there is one thing i cannot do, which is to forget. All this while, even though i learned to forgive, whatever pain they caused me, i will remember for life. Hence, the tendencies for me to not give in and fall into their traps anymore.

5. Always listen to your parents, they are 99% right. My biggest regret is having to not listen to my parents earlier. If i listened to them bout stuffs, i am sure i won't have to go through the fucked up relationship with Avery, won't have to deal with financial burdens, emotional distress, bad studies, immature reasoning and behaviour, and other hoo-hahs in life. They were spot on with Mr. A in the first place. They downright rejected the relationship but i was so blinded that time i could not see the facts. However, my parents are always there to support me. Never is he. All the lies and dejection i went through with that relationship, its over. And my parents are there. My family is always there for me.

6. 1st rule in a relationship. After all the mess i have been through, my first rule in the relationship has to be this: Never date a guy who puts his friends first in front of you. That is Avery. My first rule was to never date a guy who does not accept you for who you are. However, i realised that this sentiment can actually be a good thing, that is if i have to change for the better, it would benefit both parties and lead to a healthier relationship.

7. Relationships. I realised that i am not cut out to be in a relationship at all. Hence the many misunderstandings and hoo-hahs. I have no patience, childish, immature, hot tempered, indecisive, pessimistic and full of angst: all the makings which leads to a failed relationship. My previous one is a clear case to it. I won't blame Mr. A for it coz he has been a very very nice guy to me. Just nice. Thus, i hereby declare i will not get into one anymore till i finish my tertiary education and graduate. You mark my words. :)

8. Jesus. In life, we Christians need Jesus to be present. He will help us, guide us through everything. Thus we have to pray more and talk to him more. I've tried and it helps a hell lot. I'm happy with my progress in enlightenment.

9. Words are sharper than the blade. Words, when said, if not careful, can hurt more than a blade cutting through your skin. Words, are enough to shut me up, and realise i will never go back to the person saying it. Being he said peace. But he does not realise its my peace he wants but war he gives.

10. Family comes first. After a long hoo-hah, i realised that, it is wrong to question a family's belief, their acts, their virtues and what not. As we are not born and raised in that family, thus we have no right to speak our minds about them. Hence, always be patient even if one's family curses you, treats you like dirt, or angers you to the point where you just want them erased from the face of the earth.

These are the major things i get to learn during the whole one year less blogging cum relationship cum hoo-hah hiatus. I hope i'll get to learn more and grow up into a better somebody. Praise be to God. Alleluia!

ps. I still love Mr. A :(

Separated

If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

Boy I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
Boy you know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

Summing up 2008~~~

Many pictures ahead... sorry for the lag in loading the tremendous amounts of photos. :) nothing much i can describe in words but pictures do speak a thousand words. The pictures totally sums up what ive been doing throughout the 2nd semester all the way till the end of the year 2008. The first half of the year can be track back throughout my older posts. Pardon me for the lack of updates in this few months because i have been terribly busy with uni, assignments, badminton, and life crisis. They practically left me with not enough time to sleep as well as updating my blog. And also another reason is that i simply do not know what else to blog about. Ideas wouldnt materialize in my head anymore. Guess im too blur now eh? Studying Maths 3C now is a real pain. Though im lovin it~~~ so lets get on with the pics.

In the 2nd semester... CEP was the biggest time consuming subject i have ever met throughout my life. It ate up my weekends. Because of this subject, im in uni on Saturdays and Sundays and also staying back till 11pm at times. Gosh... Nevertheless, i love the people i get to know through this subject...


My crazy group members = Xiao Jin, Sharifah, Elaine, Shana, Calvin, Clement, Adrian, and Wilson. Xiao Jin just left for Melbourne 2 days ago. Gonna miss her laughter so much. It sucks to know someone new and then you see them leaving you. Haih...


Missing Mr. Macho here... badminton buddy as well... =D


Wilson the Pimp. Miss you guys a lot!!!

With CEP out of the way... stress keeps building up without any signs of stopping throughout the year. Exams came and go... but the stress stays. Stressing the results to be out... even though its the holidays now... im still stressing for whatsoever reason... haih... and i find consolation in the form of indulging in food.


Manhattan Seafood Platter for two... a must have when im so so stressed out that i need to pig myself...


My turtle cheesecake slice for someone who didnt even bother to show up. It tastes good nevertheless, and from that slice, i met 2 more nice friends in the form of Ah Siang and Jiann Huei.


My mix fruits cake which Betsy and Saravana truly enjoys... and even my family too...


Mua Chi. Although it looks and tastes similar to the Foochow Tang Yuan. Love it lots.


Black pepper lamb pie from Secret Recipe. I dont know why but i love it so much... although the serving looks small... it makes me full to the brim... such a good treat for stress...


And i cant seem to get enough of sushi. I go to Sushi King at least twice a month. Arghhh... the hole in my pocket is getting bigger...


But you know, sometimes pampering yourself do work wonders~~~ xD


3 persons can eat this much at a time... when you're stress... splurging is not an issue...


Although im no big fan of KFC... but sometimes a hearty meal of Hot n Spicy Chicken with cheesy wedges really makes me happy.


5.5 kg turkey i had for Christmas this year... never could have finish the whole bird. The most we ate was a drum only. Dont underestimate the small size. Its a picture.


And having steamboat 4 times in the month of December alone really kills my tastebud. I get a little sick of the buttery taste, sick of the atmosphere... and pissed for the weight gain. Arghhh... im sinful.

And with more stress... i turn to baking when my weighing scale shows my weight increased a notch.


Triple Chocolate Cake. Betsy truly adores this piece and Saravana keep pestering me for the recipe... haih... i love it too... but it all depends on the mood ok?


Little Choc Chip Muffins for dessert and breakfast... cant get enough of chocolates i guess... its a comforting food for heaven's sake!


The best cheesecake i have ever baked in my life... tastes as good as Secret Recipe's i can say... LOL... too bad for someone...

And the most exotic thing i have eaten in this half year is...


Mr-Blame-Me-When-It-Rains... now now... dont give me that look... this isnt the worst i have eaten so far... ive eaten more exotic things but im not posting it here ok?

Enough of food... lets talk about uni...


For the first time we managed to get a huge group photo with all 109 students in the class... Engineering Maths 2 couldnt be more fun with Ms Betsy and Ms Chong teaching us again... known them since foundation... whoa... ok although i dont know everyone in class... im proud to say i know at least 80% of them. =D


The first robotics competition i went to... never have i found robotics to be such an interesting course... too bad... the future is...

Other things about uni... well its normal stuff and i dont think i will repeat myself here...

Next on about life and friends... in 2008... ive met many new people, both good and bad... made good friends, 'adopted' new brothers and children =D ... fallen in love and never got out of that hole... i guess thats just life aint it?


Went to National Service... lasted 3 weeks... came back and postpone the crap thing coz i was spiritually weakened. Guess im just useless? Nah... no comment.


Miss my cousin Audrey at times... she came back from Australia few weeks back and now is back again in Aust.


Us at a family dinner... dont we look alike? LOL...


First prom ive attended in my uni... might feel like going again next year if i have a REAL partner in crime... thats Dominic... a new friend i got to know this year... nice chap... thanks for having life-to-life talks and chats with me at times...


Crazy bunch of guys whom i always remember for God-knows whatever reason. Ching Ho, Ah Sien, Eric, Marvin and Chee Min. I still think Chee Min is so good looking... LOL sshhh...


Hoe Hin, Ben and HaYou... dont know why i *heart* HaYou so much... one of my best friends...


Karena from KL... for her age... she is more crazy than me... HAHA... love you babe!!!


Rosemary, Ropalin and Evelyn... super kiasu girls that ive met in Uni... LOL bleh guys bleh!!! They are super smart and available... go after them guys!!! LOL... ps~ im so in love with Eve's cousin. zzz


I miss these guys so so much... Larry when are you coming back?Haih... when can we have gatherings with all of us like this again? =X


At Zakil's house during Hari Raya. Miss you guys a hell lot...


At Pasir Pandak with HouKee, Adrian, June and Mumzy... miss the fun hanging out together... i remembered after this event, i got grounded pretty bad... but now its okayyy... lol


Foundation graduation... i dont see the relevance to why we should attend it but who cares we got our certificates so boo yah!!!


New friends that ive met whom ive grown fond of. TzeHui, Kelvin, Dean, Paul and Bertrand. I still think that Dean looks so much like B. Hmmph... everyone disagrees... oh wells... sad thing is... Dean is leaving to Melbourne in 2009... met a nice friend and losing him in a nick of time. DOUBLE SIGHS~~~ Thanks TzeHui for bringing me out to eat and shop. And for the badminton. And also giving me confidence in things that i dont have confidence in at all... ^^


And special thanks to everyone's boyfriend, Mr Yeo Pei Yuan. Hahaha... thanks for being there for me always... he is a real cotton wool... a guy's and girl's best friend... to sum up, EVERYONE'S BEST FRIEND.

Thanks to June... you got me addicted to online shopping now. Can get stuffs cheaper and also more individualistic as the percentage of other people around Kuching to have the same clothes as you is low. HAHA...

Thanks to bro for always consoling me when im down. I know life in KL is harsh most of the time, but keep going on strongly ok? God bless...

Thanks to mum and dad for everything... even though we do have our unreasonable disagreements... i still love you guys a lot.

To all the Bs' = B, Bubu (HaYou's nick), Bii (Kevin), Bro 1, Bro 2 and Bro 3... LOVE YOU GUYS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!!! XOXO LOVE AND KISSES...

To all my friends... thanks for being there for me always... helping me throughout the way with support... without you guys, i think i would have been crazy already.

To all the haters, fuck yourself...

And to everyone that i have missed out... just wanna wish you guys a Happy 2009 as we wave goodbye to 2008... and... TO EVERYONE WHO ARE IN MY LIFE...

FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART...
and God bless you guys always!!!

XOXO,
Amber

A New Chapter

I can hear the thunder
I can see the rain pour
The cracks of lightning brighten the sky
Mother nature contributes to this cry.
The twilight seems so pretty
But empty
Like an abyss sucking all light through it
Turning into a dimwit.
Turning away from the starting point
Emotions breaking from their joints
It all begins again
When the weather starts to rain.
Sitting and self-analyzing
Self confidence justifying
Trusting was an issue
It just made more use of tissue.
But trust is placed where its supposed to
We made the mess we've gotten into
Hatred wont happen till mistakes takes place
It did happen... thats why everything falls out of place.
And the reason wasnt unjustifiable
Everything has its variables
Everything happens for a reason
And the reason is clear this season.
Clear cut
Like glass cutting through the beating heart
It just seem so yesterday when summer clashes with winter
But these days, better is the weather.
Summer return to summer
And autumn before winter
Its all back to the beginning
No teeth grinding and clashing.
Its been 3 months long
3 months of autumn prolong
Winter is back
And the atmosphere is black.
And silence fills the air
The voices of despair
Tears falling into the pail
Hoping everything would go well.
Gone were the days when chances
Makes people fall into dances
If we didnt take the opportunity
There wouldnt be any unity.
So it all comes down to this
Waiting or giving chances?
And the answer is clear without any gists
When a new chapter begins.

Time flies...

Been caught up with so many things that i, the great yours truly, finally admits that i am no superwoman. There are mounts of work to be done, lots of emotional breakdowns and seeing the days ahead as something i wouldnt look forward to. Through all these things, certain issues popped out and these are things i have to constantly remind myself of for the next few years of college life, be it a guide to life, happiness, or torture.

• Friends will always be there for you but there is a limit to what they can do. Dont expect telling them all your problems and expecting them to solve it for you. What they can do for you is just temporary.
  
• Trust only your family as they are always there for you. There may be constant nagging and yelling, but those are for your own good.
  
• 3 years without my brother is like hell breaking loose on earth.
• I seriously cannot find anyone to turn to anymore besides my brother. And he is leaving. Vincent only resembles 1/3 of my brother. Where is the other 2/3? Any candidates?
• No more 'Baby-Baby'.
  
• For your info, yours truly is still taking engineering even though she doesnt like it. Its what the future holds that really matters. And so far, im doing fine in everything.
  
• Constant stress is a bad thing. It makes you fat. Binge eating is bad for health.
  
• Never spend RM150 a week on Sushi King. It is burning a hole in my pocket.
  
• With my brother away from home, time to save up all the cash.
• I need something to de-stress me. And it is in the form of a pink DS Lite with Pokemon game.
  
• Being stingy and proud isnt a bad thing. Coz it saves your ass even though it kills friendship. This proves that the friendship that existed between you and whoever involved isnt a genuine one.
• Going to KL more frequently could be a good thing or a bad thing. Good as in seeing my bro and shopping. Bad as in money. But im saving alright.
• Say no to pills!
  
• With all the stress im going through, im trying to lose weight. But all i see is my weight shooting over the 60 mark bench.
• I need to be silent for the next few years. Do not expect me to be the cheerful and bubbly Amber that you used to know. I will only talk when i am supposed to talk. Other than that, shush.
• Call me stingy with anything, im just trying to shut up. Time flies and people change.
• I still need a 4 flat in all my exams. Those blocking my way to it will get serious lashing.
• Im in no mood to even look at eye candies anymore. The interest dies.
• Online games waste money. So does blogging. Cut down on internet usage?
  
• Home will be somewhere for me to sleep at night only.
• Home will be like a post war zone. Cold and silent.
• Drastic changes soon to come. I can do it.
  
• Supposed to change my hairdo but thinking of it now, whats the use? People change hairdos just to attract the opposite sex and to make them feel good. I do not feel good if my hairstyle changes, nor do i need any more attention.
• Nerd and hermit mode is on.
• Dresses or skirts once a week only.
  
• Back to flip-flops and no high heels?
• Backpacks are for nerds. Im getting one.
• Contact lens can be stored away for good.
• Need lots of exercise. Bad health.
• Whoever says im pretty, smart, thin, and tall should be slapped.
  
• Learn to say 'NO'. Dont try to help every single person as if it is my job to do so.
• Changing my cell number as a first step to be in reclusion.
• Need to buff up and be strong for myself. Do not show my soft side at all.
  
• Being emo is childish. No point crying over small matters. It just shows how weak you truly are.
• Love is a bitchslap. I vow not to love anyone anymore in this 3 years.
  
• No bad words.
• Never ask people where what is located. Go to Wikimapia.com
• More baking sprees to come.
• Less outing.
• More studying.
• I need to live well. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
• No more shopping in Kuching. KL can.
• Save petrol if i can. No point going home during breaks.
• Commitment is a huge thing. And for that, i am not ready to commit in things im not going to tell.
• Dont daydream. It wont happen.
• Be strong Amber, you can do it. GAMBATEH!!!

Living in this world, we face many turmoils. Thanks to all those who are always there for me. I appreciate you guys.

XOXO, Amber.

An Unforgettable Week

I really had an unforgettable week behind me. Lets see... the highlights were... i put on back all the freaking weight i lost during my National Service fiesta, had the best day out with my friends and Mumzy since i cant forget when, got grounded and practically given a warning that i might be disowned if i continued my behaviour (which i dont know what the fuck is about) and also, being a scared kitten when asked to sing into the microphone solo for the first time. And and, my dad's car battery died on us at 7th mile just now. Gawd~~~ Well, that pretty sums up what im gonna say... so... dont bother to read ahead if you're planning to bitch.

Lets see... starting from my weight gain. Im not practically fat now. Just that i got back all the weight i lost while at camp. AT LEAST no more gaunt and bony face, no more showing off of bone structures but Thank God! no double chin. =D All thanks to my unhealthy diet of eating 250g of pasta daily for brunch... and lots and lots of rich muffins and cheese! LOL... imagine you get spaghetti in packets of 500g, dried ones. Tried cooking half a pack and see how much it is. ^^ Thats the best diet to gain lots of weight. Wheeeeeeeeeeee =D

And then... there's the fun outing at the beach. Lots more information about it at June's blog. However, im gonna post some pictures too la. =D


Chocolate muffins i baked for the trip to the beach. Secret to it is... bake it twice... ^^ Bake under low heat first... then higher heat later on... teeheehee...


The serene beach at Pasir Pandak... look at the trees on the horizon... very beautifully placed to give us a sense of mother nature and yada yada...


The beauty gives me the calm i need after a very excruciating terror in the National Service camp...


But all beauty is lost when some ignorant people decided to barbeque live chicken on the beach. Like wtf man... =.= gross to the extreme...


Hou Kee, Adrian and June embraced the seas first... i took a longer time to decide whether i should dip or not... teeheehee... June wore a bikini top... so... ooh-la-la... LOLZ


This is because Mumzy and i were their photographers for the day... ^^


Yours truly after nearly 2 hours of dipping in the sea... yes i did get more tanned... but its worth it. Having to dip and talked about anything whatsoever in our lives...


Yours truly with Ms. Then and choc muffin.


Yours truly with Mumzy!!!


Mr Sia with i dont-know-what-is-he-doing pose.

And it just dawned on me... i didnt have any pics in my phone of Mr. Yao. =.= sowiee...


So this is the five of us who went to the beach that day. Fun day out aight??? ^^ L to R: Hou Kee, Adrian, June, Yours Truly, Mumzy. Ze Mumzy is soooo light... we know her weight... teeheehee... And oh ya... both guys have manboobs!!! LOLZ...

Had LOTS OF FECKING SAND FLY BITES ALL OVER MY ARMS AND LEGS... AND JUNE'S... ON HER WHOLE BODY... omgosh... it was really fun but the sucky part was he sandflies... blood sucking creeps... gee... i dont even know why they exist... oh wells... if anyone is heading there for a relaxation spree... remember the insect repellent!!! By the way, that private beach at Pasir Pandak has a lot of schooling teenagers dating there in the afternoon. And many swimming lessons too... ^^

That night... i got grounded from going out at NIGHT... FOREVER... or maybe till im earning my own cash... and yea... ive been given a choice to stuck up with my parents or get out of the house... practically getting disowned la... coz its a threat... oh wells... gotta put up with it right? Nothing i can do about it. Just because of a little misunderstanding and also the fact that IM A FECKING GIRL FOR MY GENDER... oh wells... over-protectism should be practiced everywhere.. for the good of mankind that will extinct sooner than we thought. Well, this is the first and the last time i will be so obeying to them. Grr... i hate my life.

Since the incident... i was so sad... more of angry... coz i promised my camp friends that i can meet up with them during their holidays from 17th-20th July. However, in fear of everything, i JUST HAD to cancel every plans... oh darn... i cant even watch movie with Zakil... crap man... I so wantttt BATMAN!!! =(

On Friday, results of my first semester examinations were out. Sadly, i got 4 flat. Why sadly? Coz the exams were a bit... i dont know... well, it explains the extremely good results everyone is getting aight? So you understand what sort of paper we got then. Or maybe... everyone is just getting smarter by the day. If that is so... no more playing next semester then. Coz maintaining a 4 flat is shittingly depressing and stressful... gawdd~~~

On Saturday instead... went to sing in the church. Went for practice... got bombed by Ben Lo coz my pitching was all over the place... but wtf i had to sing straight to the microphone thereafter. I usually use the condenser and was like backup singer... but due to shortage, became one of the main vocals... singing the melody or whatever you call it... BUT HECK... i didnt dare sing loudly into the mic, so my bro said... he couldnt hear me at all during the second half of the mass... honestly speaking... i forgot to turn on my mic during some parts... shyt... haha... it really is weird listening to yourself on the microphone. So different. And btw, for the few times in my life, i actually didnt use my full voice capacity... coz im like a scared kitten in church. Those who knows me... you know how loud i can be aight? *winks*

So pretty sums up everything for the week aight? OH YA... CAR BATTERY DIED IN 7TH MILE... and wtf car battery price shoot up so much... gawd damn... how am i gonna survive with my meagre pay when i start working next time? Dang~~~ and to add more spice to the post...

STREAMYX SUCKS!!!