02.02.07

This date carries many weights, a day when all sorts of things happened simultaneously without any indication of slowing down. That day was filled with lots of happiness, and then sudden sadness filled the atmosphere as the day began to crawl towards nightfall. This date is definitely a date my family will never forget, because for once, there is birth and death of a family member happening on the very same date. Why am i saying so? Well, this date has significant values and memories to my family. It is a day when my brother and mother will celebrate their respective birthdays together, in one big happy family, coz... come on, how many of you would give birth to a child on your own birthday huh? But during this year, something else occured on this very special occasion. My grandmother who has been sick for a while now, passed away peacefully after battling months of suffering and pain in the hospital. I know some of you faithful readers have known what my grandma was suffering from. Well, for those who doesnt know, she has intestinal obstruction, which left her with like 0.6 metres of small intestines, way shorter than an average adult's, and this hindered her nutrition intake. This caused her to suffer a lot, and i cant bear to see sufferings. She has been bedridden for 3 months in the hospital, in and out of intensive care. She has been poked by dozens of needles, seen many deaths beside her, but nevertheless, she kept on going. Well, she was a strong woman. Very strong. After all this time, she awaits recovery in the hospital, fighting to survive... but what can we do when abdominal sepsis sets in, and she was downed with very high fever for the past few days before her passing. Her days were outnumbered. I really pitied her. She was gasping for air like a fish out of the water. I went into the hospital every night whenever im free to take care of her, to make her days while living on earth as wonderful as it can be. Im not God, and i cant cure her, i cant make her get better, recover from her illness, and make her free to walk again. All i can do is to be by her side to make sure her days are filled with joy and happiness. I did what i can. I made her smile after so long. She hasnt been able to go home for 3 months, im sure she missed home a lot. And ever since she went into the hospital, she never set foot at her home anymore. No more footprints left behind to remember that she was once in that little house at Capital Garden. Little memories had been remembered while she was there. Most memories that stayed vividly in our minds was the sights of her lying down on the bed in Female Surgical Ward. For those 3 months, i really appreciate the help of my grandparents Indon maid, Yulie or Julie. She has been of tremendous help. Well, lets run through the events on that day.

1.30 pm - received call from mum asking us to rush to the hospital coz grandma was critical and the doctors were performing CPR on her.
2.00 pm - mum told us she was revived so my bro and i decided to hang aorund some place nearer to the hospital so we decided to go to Wisma Saberkas.
3.30 pm - received call from mum again, another CPR done. Rushed to hospital with dad.
3.35 pm - Grandma left this world.

And the aftermath of crying cousins, almost fainted grandfather, pale aunts, sobbing mum, my no-reaction brother, my strong dad, badly crying maid, and for me, i was of mixed feelings.

I didnt know what to do. Should i cry? Should i rejoice? I cried coz she left us. I was happy coz her suffering was finally lighten. What is the wisest thing for me to do then? Well, i just comforted the rest of the sobbing crew. Gave them words of support, even though i was close to tears. I tried holding them in, coz you know how emo i can be. But there's nothing... nothing else for me to do... sigh

That night, after coming back from the funeral parlor, i showered. And there's where i cried. I cried really bad. I cried. I cried myself to sleep. I cried when it was about time i usually go to the hospital to take care of my grandma. Its like routine, and now, its gone. I feel so lost.

I dreamt about my grandma last night. There she was, wearing a white blouse, black skirt, and looking as jolly as she had been before she got sick. I was happy to see her. She was helping us. Helping us to get through our lives. Coz her soul still lingers on the earth. Before it stand besides the Almighty in heaven. Oh grandma, how dearly i miss you, how dearly we all missed you. You should have seen grandpa after you've gone. He seems unstable.

This is dedicated to you, grandma. Grandpa is just like the old man in the video. He is lonely. And he misses you a lot. Even though he hasnt been much of help while you were in the hospital, he cant do much because he doesnt express his feelings and emotions well. It all wells up inside of him. I pity him. Sorry, i cant do much.

Pray for grandpa to be happy.

In Berberboo's mind : Sorry for the absence. Im back. And tired.