Uh-Huh!

For the umpteenth time... he broke my heart. Now everyone is calling him a jerk. Be it my friends, or people who knows him. How could he stood up to me? Even normal friends wouldnt stood up to their friends. They would have the courtesy to inform. But this noooo... nothing. Means we're nothing at all? Oh fine, have it your way then. Im tired of this shyt. You dont wanna know how many times i have cried my eyes out because of how you break my heart. Nah, im just plain dumb coz i didnt take the hint you were giving me. IM STUPID! yes i am. Leave it to rest. Peace out.

A Change

Change for the better is always something good. It gets you out of misery to something brand new. As life has to go on even though there are roadblocks ahead, we need to fight for ourselves without depending on others. Whats the point being weak inside and out and then still wanna go on and burden others around you? Is it symbiosis? I doubt it. I need a change... a drastic change... i cant keep relying on friends and family to comfort my feelings all the time. I need to find other ways to comfort myself in the future. What happens if they are all away and im left here alone? I cant keep crying myself to sleep at night, it isnt healthy. A change that i really need is... to not fall in love again. Ive been saying this over and over again if you have read my blog previously. But i cant seem to stick that in mind. For now, i seriously need to change that. Please Lord, let this guy be the first and the last guy that i fall in love with throughout my studies in Swinburne. Please let things work out. Im tired of all this unrequited love series that has been a fairy tale in my life. Please let things head for the better. Besides a change in that... i finally cut my hair to something different than all the other styles ive been donning for years. Many people didnt recognise me in pics and such. Some said i look cute, some young, some a bit... sarcastic. Oh wells... post a pic for you guys...

What you guys think about it? o.O

Is a change something good?

I havent changed much... i still like him a lot...

Stronger...

Crying myself to sleep at night isnt a big issue to me anymore... however i have to constantly remind myself that it is no remedy to heartbreak. It only makes your eyes single lid and swollen the next morning. Not a good sight if you're always a cheerful and bubbly person. Well, as people say, its no use crying over spilled milk, no milk is spilled... and i have done nothing wrong. The only wrong i have done is giving my heart away to the wrong person. Its a saying that goes... when one door closes, another one opens. Usually this recovery period occurs after 3 months for me... but this time it was much much longer... for about 8 months before i finally opened my heart to fall in love again... and now was crushed into smithereens again. This made me lose hope totally in falling in love. 3 times failure in a row... how do you expect me to go on pretending that it hasnt affected me at all? This is the first time i didnt reveal the guy's name here. Coz for once, the feeling i have is really something... i truly astounded myself as well. His anonymity is better left in my heart only. Okay, someone told me... women are foolish and guys are selfish. I agree to that statement even more now. I was so foolish to keep thinking that he will give me an answer soon, thinking that he treats me differently, thinking that everything seems to turn out perfectly... compromising that everything he does has a good explanation to it... but i was just foolish. He on the other hand... is selfish enough to make me wait, make me put hope in something that wouldnt materialize, selfish enough not to end a simple thing. He could just say NO and i would understand and leave everything aside. Why did he have to give another answer which indicates hope? And then turn bloody cold and never talks to me after that? How could he? I cannot fathom the mysteries of men. Women is from this world... but men are still from... MARS. An entangled web is weaved from the very beginning... he thinking that i liked his friend instead of him. Hello? Did i ever treat your friend the way i treated you? No use crying now, although tears kept falling. I hope im not so messed up that i cant sit for my finals. Im 90% done with revisions and such. From today onwards, let everything fall into place by itself. Im tired of trying... tired of breaking into that stone wall... tired of everything... i gotta be stronger! but im hurting really bad now... really really bad... =( the rain is gonna weep with me again...

CEP Presentation

Gonna have a presentation in 5 hours time. Super scared at the moment, dont know why. Woke up super early thanks to Larry who wished me luck all the way from UK. Thanks so much!!! ^^ Really needed all the luck i can get. Although i was half-expecting it would be B but then i knew he wouldnt give a damn about me... so yea. So much for the hoping. All things will end when he shows that he stops caring. The clock is ticking... time is running out... and im so scared =( gosh... if only he could be my pillar of strength at this very moment... its just too much to ask. Will update on how things go later. Toodles.

*update*

My presentation was over in a blink of an eye. Didnt feel nervous at all. Thanks to all those well wishes from friends and surprisingly someone who i thought wouldnt care (not B by the way). Stayed back to watch my other friends do their presentation. So can say i was in campus from 10.30 am all the way to nearly 7 pm on a Saturday! Gosh. Can say everyone was good in their presentation and im not so scared of what the outcome would be after this. Confidence soaring high! LOL. Dont believe me? This is how high i can be after a good presentation!


Apologies for kek-ing cute. Happy happy happy! Removed my high heels and wear flip-flops and sitting on the floor. Craziness!!! I was supposed to be super sad and emo la. Coz i finally decided to let go of B. I dont know he lied or his friend lied. Anyways i guess its over! HAHA... im good at covering up my emotions la. Dont expect to see me sad unless you're Pei Yuan, Siaw Yin or my own brother. Other than that, i wont cry! IM SUPERWOMAN!


My crazy team members! GO DELTA FORCE ENGINEERING CORP.! Sounds so lame i know! o.0 Oh wells, we did good so yea! Hope at least D for all =D Love them to bits now that everything is over!!!


This was before presentation. Super nervous can!!! Haih... its overr.... i can sing till my throat sores. =D

Anyways, more pictures in facebook. Lazy to upload in blogger. Hehe...

p.s. I gave up on him. I think its the right thing to do. Or so i think it is.

Updates Updates

Time passes really quickly, and before you know it, Week 12 is already coming to an end. Week 13 coming up next week... and im gonna be super stress again. Gahh... i need my movie tonight. Seeing James Bond and his blue eyes, i will be mesmerize to the grave. LOL. Right now, im waiting for someone who i know wouldnt show up at all. Gosh, if he did... he is so... lets just say if he shows up, means everything will be solved. WELL, back to week 13. I will be having 2 presentations next week, 3 assignments due next week, and a test on next Friday. Should i just jump off the 9th floor and die? Nah... im not having suicidal thoughts. Thats stupid. Im gonna go through this with the strength that someone out there will be rooting for me positively, as he will be my pillar of strength. A girl can just hope, cant she? =D I know he wouldnt show up. Even though everything seems to be positive so far, i couldnt help being pessimistic that he is just sticking me up and fooling around. Mum always say, you cannot trust guys like those. Although she did disturb me all the time about him. Oh why did i bother to tell her in the first place? xD

I wanna listen to the songs on my laptop, but my earphone broke yesterday. So damn bored right now. My presentation slides are way over 5 mins and i think i suck in presentation skills. Lack of presentation makes me stutter a lot. Gosh nervousness is killing me. I need him!!! Desperation kicks in. *Looks around* No sight of him. Sighs.

In the library blogging isnt a good thing. But then, what am i to do now? Im sort of done with whatever i intended to do here today. Waiting for time to pass and then go to the movies at 6 something later. Charity bah. ^^ Gosh i do wish he was here. And to Kor, pray to God always... dont be so depressed! Feel like crying also la... but my tears are just silent tears. Wont be seen nor heard. Cry myself to sleep... as always... or in the shower. LOL...

Do wish i can see him now. To B... gosh you really hate me now.