Crying myself to sleep at night isnt a big issue to me anymore... however i have to constantly remind myself that it is no remedy to heartbreak. It only makes your eyes single lid and swollen the next morning. Not a good sight if you're always a cheerful and bubbly person. Well, as people say, its no use crying over spilled milk, no milk is spilled... and i have done nothing wrong. The only wrong i have done is giving my heart away to the wrong person. Its a saying that goes... when one door closes, another one opens. Usually this recovery period occurs after 3 months for me... but this time it was much much longer... for about 8 months before i finally opened my heart to fall in love again... and now was crushed into smithereens again. This made me lose hope totally in falling in love. 3 times failure in a row... how do you expect me to go on pretending that it hasnt affected me at all? This is the first time i didnt reveal the guy's name here. Coz for once, the feeling i have is really something... i truly astounded myself as well. His anonymity is better left in my heart only. Okay, someone told me... women are foolish and guys are selfish. I agree to that statement even more now. I was so foolish to keep thinking that he will give me an answer soon, thinking that he treats me differently, thinking that everything seems to turn out perfectly... compromising that everything he does has a good explanation to it... but i was just foolish. He on the other hand... is selfish enough to make me wait, make me put hope in something that wouldnt materialize, selfish enough not to end a simple thing. He could just say NO and i would understand and leave everything aside. Why did he have to give another answer which indicates hope? And then turn bloody cold and never talks to me after that? How could he? I cannot fathom the mysteries of men. Women is from this world... but men are still from... MARS. An entangled web is weaved from the very beginning... he thinking that i liked his friend instead of him. Hello? Did i ever treat your friend the way i treated you? No use crying now, although tears kept falling. I hope im not so messed up that i cant sit for my finals. Im 90% done with revisions and such. From today onwards, let everything fall into place by itself. Im tired of trying... tired of breaking into that stone wall... tired of everything... i gotta be stronger! but im hurting really bad now... really really bad... =( the rain is gonna weep with me again...
