It's difficult to accept the truth when there isn't any truth in it at all. He once told me why he fell in love with me last year. But what would you do when you found out a year's worth of relationship and 6 months apart, that all those were just pure lies? What would you do if you found out that you were just being pushed around back then, and the only reason he 'liked' me was purely a joke among his friends? That certainly explains the reason why he was smelling my signature on the attendance list of CIC class, his awkward facial expressions when we had McD together for the first time, the look on his face when he talked to me about something personal. It wasn't a longing, it wasn't genuine, they were purely jokes to humor himself and his friends. I finally recognised the face of doubt, the face of fear, the face of lies.
Definitions of life. Live while you can, because you will never know when your time is up. Having to face a very difficult 2010, it's good to become stronger. And wiser.
Definitions of emo. Crying for hours till my eyes dried up. Eyes all red and swollen. Crying till my whole body started shaking, migraine kicks in, and I can't even get up anymore. Trying to get up but falls, bumping my head, hips, anywhere, bruising myself without feeling the pain, because the pain inside is so much more unbearable than the pain outside. Lying on the floor motionless, staring into the blank space. Lying in bed having sleepless nights, waking up the next day with blood on the pillow. Losing lots of beauty sleep, losing 10kgs in 2 months. Failing health. Rapid hair loss, cracked skin. Bad loss of nutrition. Gastric ulcers and constant vomiting. Not being able to perform the normal daily routine. A lost soul wandering, moving around aimlessly. The inability to feel anything anymore, laugh for the sake of laughing, smile for the sake of smiling. But truly, I never feel anything inside anymore. Everything is dead. That is the damage you caused me. After everything I thought I knew about you, was all a lie. I thought it was the right thing to do, making excuses for you, making excuses that you were the best thing that has ever happened to me. But its difficult to keep lying to myself. When will I stop lying to myself? When will I stop making excuses for you?
Even I cannot tell myself when. I would like to remember the good, and forget the bad. But now, even the good I remembered, turned out to be bad. They were all lies. Who am i to trust?
Definitions of life. Live while you can, because you will never know when your time is up. Having to face a very difficult 2010, it's good to become stronger. And wiser.
Definitions of emo. Crying for hours till my eyes dried up. Eyes all red and swollen. Crying till my whole body started shaking, migraine kicks in, and I can't even get up anymore. Trying to get up but falls, bumping my head, hips, anywhere, bruising myself without feeling the pain, because the pain inside is so much more unbearable than the pain outside. Lying on the floor motionless, staring into the blank space. Lying in bed having sleepless nights, waking up the next day with blood on the pillow. Losing lots of beauty sleep, losing 10kgs in 2 months. Failing health. Rapid hair loss, cracked skin. Bad loss of nutrition. Gastric ulcers and constant vomiting. Not being able to perform the normal daily routine. A lost soul wandering, moving around aimlessly. The inability to feel anything anymore, laugh for the sake of laughing, smile for the sake of smiling. But truly, I never feel anything inside anymore. Everything is dead. That is the damage you caused me. After everything I thought I knew about you, was all a lie. I thought it was the right thing to do, making excuses for you, making excuses that you were the best thing that has ever happened to me. But its difficult to keep lying to myself. When will I stop lying to myself? When will I stop making excuses for you?
Even I cannot tell myself when. I would like to remember the good, and forget the bad. But now, even the good I remembered, turned out to be bad. They were all lies. Who am i to trust?
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